A few weeks ago we baptized sweet baby Oliver. It was the culmination of so many wonderful things and such a blessing. Don Harp, who married us, baptized Oliver in a private service at Peachtree Road Methodist. We were surrounded by family, and my heart was full.
I am so proud of this baby I could burst. It's not often that you want something so badly, and then when you finally get it it's better than you ever thought possible.
Oliver is 9 months old now, and it's the best age. He knows us! He smiles when we walk in the room. He reaches out to hug us, and we're convinced his constant "da da das" mean he's a genius. Those babbles have become our names.
I've known I wanted to be a mom from the time I could want.
There is not doubt in my mind that God waited for the perfect moment to give me the perfect child and the perfect man with which to raise him.
Since I wanted to be a mom my whole life, I often got frustrated that I could not make that happen for myself on my own timeline. About a week before we got engaged Jimmy and I went to the Masters together (thank you Dad), and I had maybe one too many beers. I turned to Jimmy in complete frustration and said, "all I want in life to to be a wife and a mom, and I can't make that happen for myself, and it's the most unfair thing." Of course a week later we were engaged and the rest is history (which you can read about here).
I think back to that moment all the time and think what a naive statement it was. Of course we do not have control over our lives. Every day I get up and try to be the best person I can and do the best I can, but I know I'm not in control. All you have to do is look at people who are ill, or people whose lives have been devastated by a natural disaster, or people who physically can't have children. I'm certain we are not in control of this life, but I am forever thankful that for this time, right now, my life is exactly what I've always wanted.
Every single night before I go to bed, and every single day when I wake up, I take just a second to say thank you for this unbelievable life I've been given and offer so much thanks that I have the ability to be with and love my family.
I would do anything to just pause life right here and hold on a little longer... because for once in my life I know how good I have it.
Thank You
- Jimmy - Thank you for marrying me and giving me the most perfect baby in the world. You are a wonderful daddy. Watching the way you love Oliver makes me love you more every day.
- Missy - Thank you for helping me wrap my head around the luncheon. Thank you for going to Costco with me, organizing getting the food to the house, the bloody mary bar, and all the food you made. Thank you for organizing the napkin rolling, bow tying, and chocolate desert making tag team effort for the family. I appreciate you SO much for all your help with the event and with Oliver. I love you. Thank you.
- Macauleys - Thank you for making the trip and helping me prep the house when I was freaking out. I know helping me get the house "perfect" is kind of a tornado, but I appreciate all the help, and I even more appreciate you all being there with us. I'm so lucky to have you guys as family.
- Mom - Thank you for getting the beautiful gown from Alma, making sure it was ironed, and setting up the photos on the bed. You were right. I do love them. And I love you. Thank you!
- Roy - Thank you for the photos and for lending me your name to give to Oliver. You are the best uncle anyone in the world could ask for. I owe you so much, and I want you to know I love you and appreciate you. Thank you for being there for me.
- Ginny - thank you so much for agreeing to be Oliver's Godmother. I'm so thankful and blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for the flowers and arranging them so beautifully. Thank you for being my friend every single day.
- Thank you to everyone who supported us on this day and every other day. We love you so much. Thank you for being part of our lives.
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This past weekend Jimmy and I went to Chicago for the Fare Thee Well Grateful Dead Tour. I had a lot of apprehension leading up to the trip. Oliver has become super attached to me, and he calls out "mama" about a thousand times a day. The thought of leaving him induced a pretty severe dose of mom guilt. It's strange to think that just a few years ago my needs were my number one priority. Maybe that's selfish to say, but my main concern throughout the day was getting where I needed to be, doing what I needed to do, and making myself happy. In 4 short years, I met Jimmy, got married, and had a baby. Now it seems like my needs come third, and while I'm so happy where I am in life and wouldn't trade it for anything, I am still struck sometimes by what a major change it is. Being a good wife and mother are my biggest concerns now. Although they are equally important to me, Jimmy does not cry or demand my time, and so sometimes being a good mom takes priority over being a great wife.
Jimmy asked me to go to these shows as a favor to him. I really love music and shows and my friends, but I'm a mom and I'm tired, and getting up the energy for three nights of shows seemed almost impossible. Because I love my husband, and I agreed we could use some time together away from the baby, I packed my bag, dropped the baby off with my mom, and boarded the plane. Almost as soon as we were in the air I felt better. I knew Oliver was well cared for, and I was on my way for 3 days where my biggest priority was being a wife and having fun with my husband. I even started to get kind of excited.
Once we were in the air, Jimmy surprised me and told me that he got reservations at a Top Chef restaurant that night! As you know from this post, Top Chef is my favorite TV show, and I was very excited. It was nice to know he'd done something so thoughtful for me. It reminded me that I am a very loved woman, and my interests matter very much to him.
We met his parents that night for dinner, and it was fantastic! I very much recommend the Little Goat if you are in Chicago.
The next day we actually slept in until 10! It was unreal. Oliver did not wake us up at the crack of dawn! We did not have to go immediately into parent mode. We lounged around for a while and then leisurely decided to meet our friend Adam for brunch. We chatted and laughed and told college stories, and I began to feel more and more like myself.
After brunch we went to a Cubs game at Wrigley Field. I felt so calm sitting at the stadium and watching the game. I absolutely adore baseball, and it was nice to be able to focus my full attention on something I love. I sat next to my father-in-law and watched the game and just soaked up the time.