50 I Don’ts You Should Agree On Before You Say ‘I Do’ -- a Rebuttal.

2016 will be a year of weddings in my family!  We've had 3 engagements in the past few months, so it's the happiest time and one I want to hold onto and remember. (Photos left to right).  My sister-in-law got engaged a few months ago and is planning on getting married in September.  My step-brother got engaged over Thanksgiving, and my brother got engaged last Friday.  

engagement

I am so happy for my family and all the upcoming weddings.  I envy the couples' excitement over imagining their future and building their lives together, but I do not envy the stress of wedding planning! Planning a wedding was the hardest year of my life, but I can say without a doubt IT WAS ALL WORTH IT. I loved our wedding weekend and cherish those memories so much.  My biggest piece of advice is that even though you will hurt people's feelings and feel terrible about it, you have to remind yourself that you're doing the best you can.  Trust your instincts and lean on your partner.  You guys are in it together and the only people who can truly empathize with each other. Soon your big day will be here and it will be perfect, no matter who you invite, what flavor the cake is, or who is in your wedding party. Your choices are yours, and they will be right.

Recently I saw this article all over my facebook feed, "50 I Don’ts You Should Agree On Before You Say ‘I Do’", and since I'm a relationship advice junkie I clicked on it right away. 

I've only been married 2.5 years, but for this first time this article made me feel like I was a million miles away from the idealistic state of falling in love, planning a wedding and imagining a future.  The last few months of our marriage we've faced with some challenges, so phrases like, "I don't want us to become a routine" seem almost laughable to me.  Our routine is my life.  The babble of my sweet Oliver that starts our day every morning is the normalcy and routine I crave.  It signals that we've made it through the night - whether it's bad dreams, restless worries, or midnight morning sickness - and a new day is starting.  I also can count on my husband walking through the door around 6:40 every night and taking over parenting.  I know I will get a break as he starts the bedtime routine.  The butterflies when he walks in a room are not as strong, but they've been replaced with the peace of knowing someone will always be there for me and have my back no matter what.  I live for our routine, and our love is stronger for it.

I've traded "I don't want to stop going on dates with you" for "take out and an hour in front of the tv with you in complete silence is my favorite part of the day."  My favorite part about my life is the stability of being with my husband and knowing he's there.  Whether it's getting as close as possible to him in the middle of the night and staying there until I get too hot, or listening to the sound of him doing the dishes while I rest on the sofa, knowing he's with me is the most calming thing.  I don't need a date night.  I don't need to leave my house.  I need to be near him.

"I don't want to stop being irresponsible with you:  I don't want us to stop "being partners in crime"' has become, "I love being responsible with you." "I want to be partners in life forever."  I want to be with my husband when Oliver throws a fit in Waffle House.  I want us to take responsibility for it together.  I have no desire to go out too late and make stupid mistakes.  I want to come home early and get ready for a new day with our growing family.  This doesn't mean I don't want to go on adventures and explore new places, but I want to do it with the welfare of our family in the front of my mind knowing we will make decisions together.

Reading this article made me realize for the first time we are no longer falling in love, we are in love - living life day to day with each other.  There is nobody I'd rather call out for in the middle of the night for when I'm sick.  There is nobody I'd rather laugh with about our baby's diaper blowout.  There's nobody on this planet I'd rather spend my life with. 

Congratulations to all my family members about to enter into marriage.  It's the very very very best.  Don't forget to hold fast to this time.  It's the last time you will ever fall in love, so savor it.  It has to be good enough that when you are too tired to move and life has kicked your butt, you can think back to that first date, first kiss, or the moment you realized you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this person.  It will give you the motivation you need to keep going.  I can't wait to celebrate your love, and I am so thrilled for all of you, because I know how great the gift is that you are giving each other.  A life.

Merry Christmas Everyone!


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